the normalcy of rest

Autumn burn out. Yet, I wonder if it’s not necessarily burn out, but just an organic plea to slow down, to match the cyclical nature of, well.. nature. I read somewhere that our ancestors would sleep up to 12-14 hours a night in the darker days, resembling something akin to hibernation. It’s 4 pm, and after two cups of coffee, my eye lids feel heavy. I often forget the normalcy of rest.

autumn detox

Doing a gentle autumn cleanse goes hand in hand with becoming more rooted in routine as the seasons shift and the cool weather sets in. I always find it best to detox in the spring time and autumn as it follows our natural rhythms and feels quite aligned and routine tends to shift as the sun/moon cycles change.

One misconception about cleansing is that you need to stop eating, or drink an intense poo-clearing tea for weeks on end, or consume only juice. I don’t consider any of these options to be healthy, and I find it rare that I would recommend anyone fast for longer than 24 hours in today’s day and age. The reason being, we live in environments where typically, our adrenal glands are a bit taxed, and we absolutely need fuel in our bodies and nutrients to keep our systems functioning well.

My favorite detox methods and gentle and simple and often just lead to feeling better overtime. There are two supplements I particularly love when trying to detoxify (this includes clearing yeast, parasites, and heavy metals.) Berberis Formula is my all time go to for anything skin related, gastrointestinal, and vaginal and will kill yeast and bacteria gently, but effectively. I’ve used this product for Candida over the years, as well as preventing colds as the weather shifts. The other product is called “Chelazyme” and this one helps support the liver and clean out heavy metals from the body. These two supplements are all I use for cleansing and they’ve helped immensely over the years.

One physical helper would be the infrared sauna. Although it’s been months since I’ve used one, I really enjoy sitting in a sauna and sweating out anything that needs to go. These saunas also replicate a fever, killing pathogens while boosting your body’s natural immune response.

Filtered water (yes, with lemon) is an extremely simple way to detox your body. It supports ridding the body of toxins through the kidneys, and just supports every function of the human body.

One other simple way to lighten your toxic load is to switch over your cleaning and skin care products to natural. By reducing the ‘crap’ you put onto your skin, you allow your body to clear what it needs to naturally without adding more stress onto the system. Our bodies are incredibly wise, and often just need to be allowed to do their job.

There’s generally less of a need to embark on an intensive cleanse, with tweaks to the lifestyle that reduce one’s toxic load. This also includes reducing alcohol intake, reducing/stopping smoking, increasing water consumption, eating seasonally, sweating, exercising, sleeping well, tending to your emotional wellbeing, and taking supplements when needed. I’ve seen people dramatically shift their lives just by cutting out alcohol and drinking more water. The greatest changes can be subtle and will have a lasting impact in your years to come.

a washing machine

When met with any feeling, it seems always in my highest interest to write it out, and have some sort of realization about what truly is, instead of cycling ideas around in my mind, a washing machine trying to sort out the stains.

It seems that many of us are going through changes, somewhat grande new beginnings, or deeper realizations about ourselves, delving into our truest wants, dislikes, desires. Letting go of what no longer fits, and sifting through a future, fresh attire, donning pieces that feel new to us, but perhaps have been there all along. I wonder if we are unravelling or merely becoming. Surrendering to who we already are, letting go of who we are not. Or perhaps some of us are being reborn altogether.

In a larger picture, I do sense that we are becoming something, things, beings, that are more in line with what the earth needs. I think we are becoming more heart centered and learning to listen to our deeper callings, and become stronger, yet more authentic versions of ourselves. I sense falseness is falling by the wayside. We are entering an era, a new age, where what isn’t sustainable will become obvious, leaving behind something more true to who we are.

A wash cycle. Perhaps.

velcro

I glance over at the white shoes. The Velcro straps holding themselves up.

“You’ll cherish this time” I hear, as tears begin to form behind my eyes. I haven’t been as grateful as I could be. Home has (in the past) been a tender spot for me. Not always has it been a safe space of respite, and it has been for the past few years of my life, minus a few bumps in the road. I begin to cry. Because despite my thoughts rehashing my annoyances out of pure will to distract me from what is true, I feel safe. And I feel whole. And no little bumps in the road or crumbs on the floor can take away from this feeling.

We’re at different stages in our lives, and have different personas and likes/dislikes, but our desire for a sanctuary, for a space of peace remains the same. My heart swells with the notion that this is exactly what I need. And it washes through me - the awareness that the only constant is change. In life, we are consistently moving through cycles, growing, dying, and being reborn. And this growth phase, is so very valuable - how growth can occur in a state of safety, love, and compassion. And then, when the ways part, we will both be onto our next chapter.

So, in this moment, as I glance at the white shoes, I only feel gratitude for her. And absolute love.

grateful

My mind is somewhat blank and peaceful as piano music fills the room, light slipping out of velvet to warm the room. Stillness. I haven’t felt myself like this in a while. The only action that brings me back to it is writing, or sitting by the ocean with my feet buried in the sand.

To feel oneself fully- a beautiful thing. The word ‘agape’ filters through - meaning self love or a Godly love. And with that, I feel all of it - all of my edges and creases, all of my desires, my wholeness, and areas I wish to expand.

I’m grateful.

to be kind

to be kind.

regardless of what comes and goes in one’s life. regardless of what we acquire. everything is just a flow of experience. an ebb and flow.

the one significance I would wish to impart would be to be kind.

to be compassionate, vulnerable, and authentic. to allow ourselves to feel fully, to experience life fully. to bend.

-

manifest

As I get older, maybe wiser, maybe a bit more mature, I consider manifestation as not a process of active creation, but moreso a process of allowing our souls desires into our lives.

I was feeling that I wished to create something in my life, because I “wanted” it. Much of the time wanting may not stem from a deep desire within our soul. Wanting might be a cheapened experience that our soul doesn’t actually ‘want’ persay. I’m becoming familiar with what we desire, what we need, and what we may think we want.

As we get to know ourselves more clearly and deeply, we can recognize that although we may “want” something right now, our subconscious, our soul’s journey may not be ready for it. And as we become more familiar with ourselves, our power to manifest increases based moreso on deep desires than fleeting wants.

To simplify manifestation, I believe much of it involves getting out of our own way, dropping striving, leaning into allowing, and trusting beyond anything. Because on one level, we already have everything we desire, everything we need. The universe is, absolutely, working with our highest potential in mind. The more we get to know our true selves, the quicker manifestation occurs, because we end up living in alignment with what is meant for us.

I believe, it begins to happen so quickly, that one may have a thought, and within moments that thought is met with something in the physical world. I had a thought today about something in my life I wanted to shift, and within a couple of minutes, I received a phone call from someone providing a solution.

We are aligning with truth, releasing what no longer serves us (thoughts, emotions, ideas) and therefore meeting a reality that mirrors our souls.

And I believe this is a process all of humankind are going through or will go through. A recognition of themselves beneath what they were told and taught.

growth

When we grow, we are often not aware of what we are becoming. We may not even be aware we are growing. We might just be experiencing contrast in our lives, circumstances that are no longer in alignment with who we want to become. But perhaps, we can’t see who that is yet.

Signs will often pop into our lives when we are to embark upon change, whether that be vast or smaller, everything all at once, or perhaps one minute thing just needs to be tweaked. I’ve been having dreams lately that often come true within months, within days. A baby bird fell from a tree and died a few days ago, while as morbid as that may be, is supposed to represent rebirth. I’ve been feeling my emotions more strongly, and picking up on thoughts others are having, although that is still a rare novelty. And although, I don’t know what the process of transformation entails or looks like, I do very clearly see the woman I wish to become, and I can see how she spends her days, and I can sense the empowerment that comes with her. But with any becoming anew, there is a letting go of the old. And although I have a vision of her, I hadn’t considered what that meant letting go of. Until today. I realize that it is absolutely impossible for us to move forward without letting go of emotions, baggage, energies, thoughts. Anything that doesn’t belong in our new reality. What that looks like can be a bit messy, raw.. it’s vulnerable. Tears are involved, as well as an absolute honesty in looking at oneself, and the role we play in the experiences that we create.

If there’s something we wish to leave behind, what in us has to change? In order to grow and move forward, what must we leave behind?

gold

nature’s first green is gold

The line appeared at the forefront of my mind when feeling this little bubble in my chest. A little zing, warmth. It feels like sweetness. And then, just as I felt it, it started to disipate, to unfurl, to shift.

The image of sand falling through hands, or a leaf holding onto a branch. A bird in a palm. We try to hold onto what we deem as good. (The gold.) We grasp onto it sometimes, wanting, desiring. Sometimes what we deem as ‘negative’ can also hold a lot of beauty.

I’m learning that even as things change, gold can be experienced in any stage. And even if something doesn’t feel comfortable, or ‘warm’, the state will change. Outgrowing an experience, a home, a stage of life, a person, doesn’t often feel good, - it can- but it can also be coupled with challenge, frustration, and chaos.

I think, on one level, our soul values all of it. And though what is gold -nature’s green, the first kiss, a new born baby is so very beautiful to our human hearts- I also want to acknowledge the beauty of what we don’t often judge as good, persay. The cracks and the edges, the valleys that provide depth to the human experience. To teach us compassion. To teach us self love. Even when things don’t appear to shine golden, they may glimmer a hint of it.

shower thoughts

‘Your task is not to seek for love, but to merely seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’ - Rumi

I’ve been trying to find words - about how everything we want is there just on the outskirts of us, but we can’t necessarily see it until we’ve done the work, until we’ve removed barriers, and released emotions in the way of what our soul wants.

We can say we want -blank- but our subconscious holds the key to what we receive. And oftentimes, doing the work involves a shift in perspective. By shifting our subconscious, we shift our deep hidden believes, and remove obstacles in the way of the life we desire.

I’m still learning what my subconscious is all about, what it says about me, what it says about the world, about society. It’s a quiet voice. It’s not intuition. Intuition is a feeling, a sensing, a knowing. The subconscious is a very quiet voice, but it says everything. And when you begin to listen to it, to gather the truth of what you believe, you can start to make changes.

These are just shower thoughts. That I had ten minutes ago when I was washing my hair.

simple skin care

Sensitive Acne Prone Skin Care Routine for a Mid-30’s Female:

I’ve always been big into skin care, and as I venture into my mid thirties, I want to have a simple, affordable skin regime that’s going to be incredibly effective in nourishing my skin now and preventing aging down the road.

My routine consists of three items at night and two in the day, including cleansing, and sunscreen. Make up consists of three products as to keep it simple and natural looking.

I steer clear of Botox and other injectables, and while I’m a huge fan of a facial, I don’t want to rely on them. :)

Night:

Derma-E Vitamin C Cleanser - wash at night

Bakuchiol Serum - used every night as a retinol alternative

Vitamin C 10% Serum - used every night

Morning:

No face washing in the morning.

Mineral Sunscreen SPF 30

Jojoba Oil as a make up base

Make Up:

Hydrating concealer, mineral mascara, and basic brow pencil

Seasonally:

Microdermabrasion a few times per year when my skin feels like it needs a deep clean or if it feels ‘built up’ or clogged. I find Vitamin C really helps with the texture and preventing breakouts as well, so there’s less need to exfoliate. The Backuchiol works as a natural plant derived version of retinol, but is gentle enough for my sensitive skin.

simplicity

I want to hear the rain pitter patter against glass sweating with dew as i write down thoughts at 9 pm. the light goes off behind me, and I think of what he could be like. what he is like. What will be. A soft smile. Chestnut hair.

The world is loud and it distracts from some purity within. There is much pleasure in novelty and yet, in today’s world, what is novel, is simplicity. A coffee at 8 am, there are birds chirping behind you to your left, to your right is a mother talking to her child. And you notice. You notice the sweetness on your tongue and the bitterness that follows.

I don’t want a tv. I don’t want to be deluded with what I feel is mundane, with what I feel is regular. When truly, the regular, the mundane, is the most appealing. To dilute simplicity with constant noise is to take away from what is truly beautiful. Are we, as a society, so hand fed glimmering gratification as to have forgotten where are pleasure truly comes from. Words, nature, food, tastes. We are rushed through it all. And we become copies of one another, with inflatable mouths, restless eyes, and taught skin.

I often succumb to the need to be doing, and tonight, after reading one page of Hemmingway, I saw the sea, a blue dress, a suitcase- I saw the beach, and I was transported to the late 40’s, to a time when struggle wasn’t less, but different, and simplicity seemed abundant. Natural beauty - still raw in ways. And I just sat, and listened to whirring traffic along west 4th, and I noticed the dusk - dusty blue, and a warm bulb lit in the corner. I noticed the feeling in my gut, begging me to slow down, perhaps savor life a little bit more. To savor what it is to be human. A being with an array of senses, often lost in moments of modern living.

I am reminded to bask in what I feel is simplicity. To delve into each moment. To feel. To soften. To pick up where I left off, before distraction had fed me.

the midst

To be in the midst of any change, any substantial shift in one’s life takes courage. It takes a dedication to the process, even if we feel strewn about by life’s circumstances, even if we feel the choices are not ours. We are still committed to the process. Whether we grasp tightly to the old, or allow life to flow in a new direction entirely. Our human soul is still committed to growth. Even if our egos, our human selves throw a fit in the process.

To be in the midst of a dynamic process challenges any individual. Even joyful change requires a leap of faith, whether that is new love, a new apartment, or job. And jumping to anything new means leaving behind anything and everything that holds you back from the newness. You can’t bring it with you.

Leaving behind what was asks us to leave behind a version of ourselves that was. There’s a grief in newness, in the sense that we are letting go of a version of us that can no longer be. Perhaps that version feels more comfortable playing small, more comfortable being told what to do, how to do it. Maybe the new version of us wants to feel more empowered, speak more loudly, to truly feel seen.

The courage to become a truer, newer version of us, is substantial. And often, when we change one thing, this ripples out into our lives creating waves. The strength one possesses in these waves, in the storm could also be viewed as grace. A grace in surrender, in letting go, in allowing. Trust, that in any rebirth- in any shift required in your life, that you possess the grace, stamina, and dedication to see you through.

We are each stronger than we consider ourselves to be. More resilient at heart. Please remember your grace in the midst of your rebirthing.

spring cleanse for busy bees

It’s Easter Friday. I woke up exhausted- I’m in the midst of babysitting a pug and he’s been insane, but I’ve also been stressed about life in general lately and the changes that Spring seems to often bring for me.

I woke up, looked in the mirror, noticed a flaky scalp and new breakouts, and then decided despite being stressed and busy right now - I’m going to embark on an easy ten day cleanse. Everything external extends from internal factors - be it emotions, gut health, or energy. Of course, our external factors - like life changes, toxins, environment also play a huge role. (My belief is that external factors show up to heal internal ones, but that’s another post.)

So, I figured, with my roommate away and a new season upon us, I wanted to showcase a very easy and gentle cleanse that’s also effective for clearing skin, aiding with gut health, and improving sleep and energy levels. Will I still be drinking coffee a bit? Yes. But I will be opting for green tea, matcha, and other forms of energy.

So the basics - sugar, alcohol, refined grains - those are all OUT. What’s IN are- veggies, low sugar fruits, organic teas, coconut bread (fibre), eggs, chicken, beef, tofu. Incorporating low glycemic foods, lots of protein, and clean sources of fuel - this is how we can reduce inflammation, candida, and bad bacteria, while increasing tissue repair, sleep quality, hormone function, etc. While a ten day gentle cleanse won’t fix all of your health issues, it can give you a sneak peak into feeling better. Of course, there are myriads of factors affecting your health, and that could be where a wellness session with me comes in.

Supplements: In the past few years I’ve decreased my supplements, but I will be taking a food based multi vitamin, and a food based iron. In a week, I will introduce a a parasite supplement for killing bugs - “Parasite Purge”. But that’s it for supplements.

For extra detox support, I would recommend adding milk thistle, probiotics, and alpha lipoic acid or NAC (potent antioxidants that help with detox and liver health)

Day 1 -

I wake up craving English Tea and Scones - I look in the mirror, my scalp is flaky. This is the day to start a detox.

I look in my fridge. Shit. I’ve got some organic tofu, avocado, and unsweetened almond milk. Perfect. This is a quasi breakfast - low sugar, high ish protein. Matcha latte, sauteed tofu, and a chopped avocado.

Lunch. Half Chicken Breast, Avocado, Sparkling Water with Grapefruit Essence. Americano with Splash Oat Milk.

Dinner: Other half chicken breast, two eggs, spinach, chopped red pepper.

Day 2

Breakfast - Giant Matcha with Unsweetened Almond Milk, 2 baked sweet potatoes w grass fed butter, 2 eggs.

Lunch - Hummus, baby carrots, sliced red pepper.

Dinner - Large Bowl of Vegan Organic Chilli

Snack - Cashews and Dried Mango (oops sugar, but all good)

Day 3

Breakfast - 1/2 cup grass fed yogurt, nuts and seeds mix, frozen berries. Giant Matcha with unsweetened almond milk.

Snack - Nuts and seeds mix. Low Sugar Protein Bar.

Lunch- Scrambled Eggs, Potatoes, Side Salad. Coffee with Oat Milk.

Dinner - Salad From Turf

Dessert: Grass fed Yogurt and mixed nuts, seeds, goji berries.

Snack: Organic Popcorn with Grass fed Butter.

Day 4

Breakfast - Protein Smoothie with berries and unsweetened almond milk.

Snack: Vegan Protein Bar, Coffee w Oat Milk.

Lunch- Scrambled Eggs with chopped veggies, olive oil. Giant Matcha w unsweetened almond milk.

Dinner - Burger, No Bun. Side Salad.

Snack - Keto Chocolate Almond Bites

Day 5

Late Brunch- 3 eggs, chopped kale and veggies cooked in olive oil. Jasmine Tea

Snack - Coffee with Oat Milk, Keto Chocolate Almond Bites

Dinner - Cooked Broccoli, carrots, potatoes, red peppers, huge scoops of hummus.

Day 6

Breakfast - 2 Free Ranges Eggs, Grassfed Butter, Almond Flax Bread. Coffee with Oat Milk. Introducing “Parasite Purge”.

Lunch - Half Chicken Breast, Cooked Red Pepper, Baked Sweet Potato. Matcha with unsweetened Oat Milk.

Dinner - Half Chicken Breast, Cooked Red Pepper, Piece of Almond Flax Bread w Grass fed Butter

Snack - Spicey Cashews

Day 7

Breakfast - 2 Eggs, Almond Flax Bread, Coffee with Oat Milk

Snack - Vegan Protein Bar

Lunch - 2 Eggs, Bacon, Side Salad, Potatoes, Gf Toast (oopsies)

Snack - Dried Organic Mango

Dinner - Tofu, Veggies, and Garlic Sauce

Day 8

Breakfast - 2 Eggs, Almond Flax Bread, Coffee with Oat Milk

Lunch - Smoothie and chicken & veggie soup. (Post Dentist)

Dinner - Cooked Veggies and Tofu

Desert - Keto Chocolate Cupcake

Day 9

Breakfast - 2 Eggs, Spinach, Avocado, Coffee with Oat Milk

Snack - Low Sugar Vegan Protein Bar

Lunch - 2 Eggs, Potato, Avocado, Bacon, Side Salad

Dinner - Tofu, Broccoli. 1 piece of gluten free pizza (oops)

Dessert - Chocolate Keto Cupcake

Day 10

Breakfast - Mixed Berry Smoothie. Coffee with Oat Milk.

Lunch - Spinach, Scrambled Eggs, Avocado.

Snack - Spicy Cashews

Dinner -You guys… I officially ended my “cleanse”. I ordered a cauliflower crust pizza and ate the whole damn thing.

Summary - It was easy to avoid refined sugar on the go as there are a lot of no sugar/low sugar options out there. A tough one for me, was that I wasn’t actually cooking very much, so a lot of my meals looked like a toddler threw them together. I had gf toast once, which is not cleanse friendly (as well as the pizza-oops) as it basically just turns to sugar. Otherwise - If I was to take this up a notch, I would cut down on coffee, replacing it with green tea and then completely avoid sugary fruits such as mango, etc. But otherwise, for a busy gal, this wasn’t bad. The rash I had cleared up, and my bloating went away.

what i eat - clear skin edition

I am in love with the taste, feel, and ritual of organic matcha in the morning. I’ll pair it with unsweetened vanilla almond milk and use a milk frother to blend it up.

Breakfast will usually be mixed berries with oatmeal or, if it’s the weekend, organic eggs with veggies and keto toast.

For hormone balance it’s great to start the day with protein and fat, however, my digestive system prefers something more carb-y for a day to day breakfast. A healthy option for me, my gut, and my energy levels is the oatmeal with mixed berries. Sometimes a tablespoon of almond butter to top it off.

Lunch:

A scoop of Greens Powder and 20 oz of filtered water.

Some sort of buddha bowl with a gluten free grain, veggies, and a protein like organic tofu.

OR a sandwich on keto bread - Chopped chicken, tomato, and spinach with mayo on keto bread is a go-to.


Mid-Afternoon:

This is where matcha #2 comes in, or a half-caf coffee with almond milk. I’m currently trying to reduce caffeine by limiting coffee, and I find matcha is a smoother experience. Alternatively, a half-caf coffee halves the caffeine intake.

Dinner:

Dinner is always a protein, a vegetable, and something carby like organic potatoes or sweet potatoes. Sometimes it’s a free range organic chicken breast with carrots, broccoli, and potatoes, or a sausage and mixed vegetables. Brown rice pasta with a homemade beef tomato sauce is also a nice and easy din din.

can a coffee enema kickstart a detox?

We all need a detox. Especially those of us who live in a larger city, in and around exhaust fumes and heavy traffic. Our water supplies need filtering and our foods can often be laden with chemicals and pesticides. All in all, our bodies need a little support in the detox department, at least some of the time.

I’ve been toying with cleansing and detoxing since the age of 18, when I intuitively got the message that what I was putting in my body was no bueno. I was drinking heavily on weekends, and jamming my body full of fried food, carbs, and quick options. Despite studying nutrition, I was still living the life of an average 18 year old girl. Now, at 34, I’ve dappled in detox, done a few cleanses, and have explored the benefits of modalities such as colon hydrotherapy, infrared saunas, energy healing, massage, supplements, and eating a whole foods diet. And even with years of gut support and choosing the right foods to put into my body, I know I still need to support my insides with the occasional cleanse, or at least utilize tools to support my body’s natural detoxification pathways.

Yesterday, I did a coffee enema, and today, I noticed right away (and my apologies, for TMI), that my body and breath were a bit rank. I also woke up a bit sweaty. I’ve done coffee enemas before, but I’ve been under a bit more stress lately, and clearly something in me wants to come out. I know coffee can kickstart the liver into flushing out toxins, but I’m curious if it can kickstart the entire body to start detoxifying.

According to gerson.org, The purpose of coffee enemas is to stimulate the liver to increase its detoxification of the blood and decrease the toxic load on the liver. This includes removing a variety of toxins and free radicals from the bloodstream. They assist the liver so as not to overburden an already sluggish and toxic liver with the flood of toxins dislodged from the clean, nutrient-dense food and juice of the Gerson Therapy. They are a required component of the Gerson Therapy’s treatment system.

So, I believe that answers my question. By supporting and stimulating the liver, it is supporting the entire being with its toxic load. And perhaps I basically just ‘loosened up’ toxins that needed to go. Today, I stink and feel a bit flu-ish. But I’ve had this feeling before, say when embarking on the Wild Rose Cleanse.

The key is to continue drinking lots of filtered water, rest, and continue consuming a diet free from junk food. Also, topping up electrolytes is important after a coffee enema. This can be done with green juices, or an electrolyte powder or tablet. Another supplement you may want to take after performing an enema is a high quality probiotic to replace any good bacteria lost in the process.

..Okay, well I’m off to do a face mask and rest my tum.

Happy Cleansing. :)

beneath everything

I find myself more myself - without attachment to anything, any person, any hobby, any job. I realize my role is just to exist, to be, to experience. To forget, to remember.

I don’t know where I will be in a year from now. I didn’t know where I’d be a year ago. I feel like a grounded, stabilized version of myself - she finds joy in little things, in everything, in the day to day. She loves human connection, speaks freely, openly, doesn’t bite her tongue much anymore. She feels strong in her body, albeit tired from giving. Singing makes her heart calm, writing clears her mind. Running releases anxiety through her feet, and painting nourishes the 6 year old. The metaphysical plays with her intuition, becoming brighter each day.

It’s the little things she looks forward to. Oat milk in coffee. The two minute walk to work. Humans. Softening. And it’s the magical things that keep her hopeful. The way the moon seems to control the ebbs and flows of her, much like the tide. Feeling others’ hearts and minds. The gut pangs, the emotions that strike like lightening at times. The guide posts that keep her on track.

I love her, wholeheartedly, I do.

It’s in these moments where it’s easier to remember. Who I am. Beneath everything.